Cats have built a reputation for being tiny agents of household chaos. But after the crime scene has been investigated and the evidence has been thoroughly sniffed, many cat parents are left wondering:
Does my cat know they did something wrong? And, how do cats apologise?
In short, cats don’t experience guilt or apologies the way humans do. But they do have ways of showing affection, reducing tension, and reconnecting with their favourite humans.
“Uhhhhh, hooman? I may have messed up…”
It can seem like cats live in their own little world. We assume that in their mind, they rule the house. You’re simply a servant that gives them their food and cleans out their litter box.
But as it turns out, studies have shown that cats are much more complex and emotionally attuned than we give them credit for. They may not say sorry the same way a human would. But they do apologise, in their own way.
And once you learn “how do cats apologise,” maybe you won’t be quite so angry about them for looking you straight in the eye while they scratch up your furniture!
Do cats understand when they’ve done something wrong?
A cat that scratches your couch or knocks over your coffee mug isn’t plotting revenge or breaking the rules on purpose. In most cases, they’re following natural instincts, expressing a need, or reacting to their environment.
Signs your cat is trying to make up with you:In the heat of the moment, your cat’s first reaction is likely going to be to run away. They may hide or go to a place in the room where they feel safe. When things cool off, that’s when you’re going to see their “apologising” behaviour. Every cat is different, but there are a few feline behaviours that may be your cat’s way of saying they’d like to patch things up. They come back to youA cat approaching you after a stressful moment is a sign they feel safe enough to reconnect. They head-butt or rub against youCats have scent glands on their face and cheeks. Rubbing is a way of mixing their scent with yours and reinforcing your social bond. Understanding cat body language will reveal a lot about whether they feel guilty! They purr or seek affectionPurring, cuddling and ‘love bites’ can be signs your cat is comfortable and wants positive interaction. They slow blinkMany behaviourists interpret the slow blink as a sign of trust and relaxation. You’ll also notice your cat staring at you. A lot of owners mistake this as defiance in their cat, as if their cat is saying to them, “Yes, I did that, and I don’t care.” But it’s more likely that your feline friend is trying to read the situation. Watch this helpful video from Cat Cognition that overviews 10 scientific signs that signal your cat is apologising. |
FAQs:
Do cats feel guilty?
Short answer: probably not in the way humans do. A “guilty look” is often a cat responding to your body language, tone of voice, or a stressful situation rather than feeling remorse. Only when you’re calm will they be able to relax as well.
Should you punish a cat for bad behaviour?
No. Punishing a cat can create fear and damage trust.
When you get angry at your cat, on the other hand, they get scared and stressed out. All they want is for things to go back to normal. It’s more effective to identify the cause of the behaviour and redirect your cat’s attention to something else.
Why does my cat come to me after I yell at them?
They may be checking whether the social relationship is safe again or seeking reassurance. They’re not admitting guilt, but they’re likely testing the waters to make sure you’re still friends.
How long does it take a cat to forgive you?
Every cat is different. Some return for affection within minutes, while others need more time and space. But when they do, validate it! Only with an intact relationship will you be able to correct the behaviour that made you angry in the first place.
Do cats hold grudges?
Cats can associate people or situations with negative experiences, but they don’t hold grudges in the same way humans do.
To summarise, cats don’t feel guilt. They do feel connected to us. And there are certain behaviours that show us they still think of us as part of their social group. And now that you’ve read this far to find out “how do cats apologise,” it might be time to ask yourself why you expected them to in the first place.
When you learn about the behaviours of your cat, you’ll be able to address issues and make your home more cat-friendly. We’ve written articles about how to stop your cat from scratching the furniture and how to convince your cat to love you so that the bond between the two of you is stronger. Do more research about your cat’s unique behaviours to see if there’s anything you can do to make them feel more comfortable.
Overall, your cat wants to be on good terms with you. If you can compromise a little bit for your cat, there will be far fewer reasons for them to be apologising to you.
11 comments
My cat scratched me and afterwards stood in front of me and looked in my eyes and did a sort of high pitched meow as if he was saying sorry? What do you think?
is he still mad
I need help – my 11 month old male kitten has been biting me. I have read so many articles about how to respond to him and nothing works. When I pull my hand or leg away he tries again. Not that he is older and stronger, his teeth are bigger and puncture my skin. He also “holds” my hand are arm with his paws, making it hard to pull away. He has been neutered. He is a very very sweet and social kitty. I can’t figure it out. Thank you for any suggestions.
I have the same problem with my newly adopted 14 year old female cat. She is severely traumatized by former events in her life. She breaks the skin too and I’m afraid to go to the ER because I’m afraid they will confiscate her. I love her dearly and am being very patient with her to gain her trust.
If you really observe your cats and try to get to knw their nature, they can actually be very easy to read. My little one coos and rolls on the floor, almost like a submissive dog, when I scold him, then headbuts me in “apology.” Whether he feels true guilt or not, he is very loving and trusts that we are all good.
My cat is one of the sweetest kitties I’ve ever met, he is about 2 years old. He is a barn cat, so he never comes inside, but he is free to do almost whatever. He likes to adventure around trying to find mice and rats, but he is the sweetest cuddle bug out there. Though sometimes when I have to go inside when he is on my lap and I try to leave he will bite, scratch, or aggressively meow at me. He is neutered. I don’t know what to do about it because I don’t want to make him angry by leaving, but I really want to cuddle with him without any bite marks or scratch marks after. So idk what to do.
This really helped me to figure out if my cats ever feel sorry for their actions. They often do blink slowly at me, usually at a distance, when we make eye contact, and I love doing it back, as they seem to perk up. One of my cats is known to be lovey-dovey, rubbing against you until you pet her, then a few seconds later, turns around to bite your hand, and when you move away, she’ll keep rubbing your legs, then turning her head to bite you again, all while whacking her tail hard against your legs. I’ve heard of bi-polar cats, but I don’t believe she is, I think she’s just really moody, as her two (now fully grown) children always bug her. But I was wondering if anyone knows why she does this? For example I’ll just be standing there, and she’ll come up headbutting my legs, rubbing me, purring, etc… but then (and you can tell it’s about to happen because her tail will start slapping you) she turns and nips, and if you try to move away before or after she bites, she’ll follow. And if it’s before, it’ll almost always mean she’ll bite you, as it catches her attention, which is another thing I don’t understand, because while all this is happening she will be distracted, then rub you, distracted, then head-butt you, distracted, then rubbing you and then bam, she bites. I’m not sure what causes her to do this, or if she doesn’t realize that we humans don’t have fur as a type of protective layer, but if anyone has any ideas, I wouldn’t mind hearing them.
If it is a hard bite, try biting her back but not hard. My 6 mo. old cat would do this until I bit him back. Now when he bites, it’s a softer bite and it is nowhere close to breaking my skin. Cats tend to do this as away of showing their affection. It’s strange for sure, but from all I have read, it means your cat loves you.
Contrary to some advice, please don’t ever bite your cat back. They will not understand. It’s important to be 100% consistent in your correction. My six-month-old kitten started out biting almost constantly for virtually any reason (and still does on occasion), but she has come a very long way. Every single time she bites, play ends immediately and I physically leave the area to do something else for a few minutes. Then I return to the area, give her a small treat, and begin to play again. If you do that enough times, your cat will eventually get the message that life is a lot less fun when they’re biting.
Cats will do this sort of thing because their instincts compel them to do it. It’s nothing personal or anything; just their nature. When an adult cat plays around, it gets stimulated because it’s predatory nature comes into play & it just responds the only way it knows how; they play rough & sometimes it results in misadventure. A cat owner just has to expect it because cats really don’t know any better.
please don’t bite your cats!!!!
thank you